PAST LIVES

Sometimes, I sit back and speculate on factors responsible for the way I turned out. I come up with lots of ideas. The one that appeals to me most is that my present day character is a mixture of all the things I've been in past lives. Every facet of me is a remnant of a whole personality that once existed.
Having settled on this explanation, through a lot of research and hard work , I came up with a list of the more recent lifetimes;

1. A hoochie. (complete with pink feathers)
2. A vampire bounty hunter, complete with the leather outfit and dominatrix boots
3. A raving beauty who became a recluse coz she was causing riots. And finally...
4. A nobel laureate (can't figure out what for yet).
5. A nymph (wood spirit)

I have no evidence of any of these personas except number 3. I'm afraid to elaborate but... here goes; I look into the mirror alot. Yeah, most people are closet 'look-in-mirror-a lotters' but it's different for me. I don't look because am vain. Nope. I do so because I keep expecting great beauty to be thrust upon me. And am not even playing.

BLOG's CLASSIFIED

ETERNAL COSMETIC BOO WANTED

A seemingly normal young lady is looking for a companion to make her family stop looking at her wierd.

QUALIFICATIONS

1. must show lots of affection in public, none what's so ever in private. Ama shoot you.

2. Must be mature (in public anyway)

3. Must be highly impulsive with a proclivity to make nonsensical decisions (I'll support you all the way).

4. A deep knowledge of every thing grim, wiered, fantastic and fun. This info will come in handy when you hear the magic words, "We need to talk".

5. Lots of level headedness and insight is required since even I aren't sure what we're dealing with.

NB: I'm kidding. But I was thinking it.

I HAVE CULINARY SKILLS- NOT!!!

Am I half a woman coz I can't cook? Should I prepare for gross theft of husband because someone else is going to fill his stomach with non- poisonous food? Writing about it, I begin to panic but otherwise, I know its not my fault that every one starts panicking when I enter the kitchen.

It's ridiculous: when ever I try to cook, my heart winds up in my mouth and I panic, sweat and pray. Of course, one out of ten times, I perform miracles and pips look at me askance, the other 9, however, every one starts to fidget as supper draws nearer, with the brave ones running to their rooms feigning sleep or intense headaches.

For that matter,I have decided that HE must be a chef or we are not going anywhere. Or at least he should know how to cook, or he should like to take me to fang fang like twice a week, what... Otherwise, we are so ****ed.

GROWING PAINS

The interview went well. Infact, it went so well, it lasted whole day. But, am not hired. Yeah, it's complicated. But no sweat, no one ever died of ' no-hire-ance'.

The last time I had a job opportunity, it was a gig in Kasese. I was going to cover a one week conference. The pay promised to be good and everything was going well till I asked for permission to go. Okay, maybe not permission as such. Am at a stage where am slowly easing away from that. These days, I say it like it is: I tell them what they need to know when am halfway where I need to be. It works most times, not this time however. here's how it went down with my big sister;

me :Am going to Kasese for a week (walking away)

her: No you're not. (popping another nut in her mouth, eyes never leaving the tv)

me : Eh- eh, it's work and it's official.

her: How are you going to get there, where will you stay, do you know these people?

me: It's all sorted. I don't even need to know them, I just want their money.

her: No.

me: But am grown up! I can do what I want! (immature whining voice. gone is the adult of a few minutes earlier)

her: Rosette,(in a know-it all- voice) I've lived more than you. The world's full of conmen, waa, waa, waa, waa, waa (at this point am not listening)

me : I don't care. If they steal me, it's my body. my mistakes, my... (she's bloody walking out on me!)

her: Ask mummy.

me: but you're my guardian!!!

By this time I'm yelling but she' still popping those bloody nuts. cool as a cucumber. AAARGHH!!!!

The whole thing degenerated from there. she called my mum and fed her some kind of serial killer story. By the time my mum called, she was panicked; she'd received word that a certain serial killer had lured me to Kasese and I was going, come hell or high water (I'm kidding about the serial killer but the story she'd got was almost as twisted). To cut a long story short, I didn't go.

This Thursday, I have another gig in Kyenjojo. I told sister dearest last week, and then again yesterday. from her reaction, you could have sworn kasese never happened. she asked a few info- seeking questions, gave me upkeep and gave me 'permission' for want of a better word. I wonder what happened to change her approach to my life.

CARPE DIEM

My new blog's paining my eyes but I like it. So, having decided that I will not wallow any more. I've been thinking constructive thoughts. It occurs to me that I forgot about an interview all because I was so busy wondering how to beat the boredome (abashed grin). But never fear, am going to present myself there tomorrow, last I checked, he had kind eyes, lemme go see if I was mistaken. I'll report back. I'll say I'd had a... very bad...allergy of the sole.

Obama is president. A black man! and it's not even bleeding 24, it's real life. I keep forgetting to believe it. Am happy for all black people all over the place.

Right, lemme go ogle my new template and decide if I like it or not.

NB: This won't sound very mature but isn't he the cutest thing! I can see where Obama Girl was coming from.

BOREDOME FOR BEGINNERS

Today, am in a mood. I'm in the mood to share my deepest, darkest secrets and I don't care if they come back to haunt me. Let's start with songs that make me wail ;

1. Do me, I do you- P square. I'm kidding.

I'm so bored, I could spit. What does one write about the inside of a house where one spend's all the 24 hours of one's day, most days. I don't know. Gone are the days when I used to wake up anxious to show my housemates why we don't need a maid. I'd wake up and clean up from top to bottom and when they'd come back, I'd enjoy helping them gently pick their jaws up off the floor. Now I don't care. Okay, that's not true; I narrowly don't care.

Haven't had a good belly laugh in ages so my energy is low. I can't even think good idiotic thoughts and yet I thrive on a good snigger. No inspiration whatsoever.Lots of boring facts everywhere I turn.

I have this idea of making the biggest mural ever. Okay, not ever but one that could go from wall to wall (in my small room). i have the canvass and everything. Only thing i lack, as mentioned earlier, is inspiration. so, every morning, i get out of bed, spread out my materials, look at the canvass for five minutes, then on and off for about an hour. Finallly, I gather it all up and return it to whence it came. Hate it. But Ill try again tomorrow morning, without fail.

Highlight of the week: i taught my sisters how two step a la Soldier boy.It was wicked!!!! For maximum grasp of the concept, you need to understand that they are both the most proper thing you ever saw. But they were game. I guess they understand that idle minds are the devil's workshop.And lord knows am idle.

THE CASE OF THE SHRINKING BLOUSE

I'm at a point where I think the weighing scale's lying to me. It shows the usual size but everyone I meet greets me with, " what are you eating?" or, " some bum!" or, " huh! That ka hip". I wear loose., snug and fitting clothes. They all garner the same response. What to do?Am at wits end. I feel like carrying the scale around with me so that when they are about to say anything, I just hop on and give 'em a smug look.

Anyway, just when I thought things couldn't get worse...

I'm looking through my wardrobe for what to wear when I come across the cutest white blouse. I haven't worn it in a while so i think to myself, "hmmm, why don't I hit the town in this one.Last time I looked, it fit me veeerrry nicely." So here I am ironing, feeling sorry for the world coz they don't know what's coming. Then I put the blouse over my head and.........bugger: am stuck! I literally can't make the blouse go over my head.Bugger, bugger, bugger! For a second, I panic. Oh my God, am fatter than i look! Oh my God(making teary sounds). Life has lost meaning. I don't look like Beyonce, as originally imgined. No, not quite, think more towards Queen Latifah, no, not her, Monic. Now, I like these chicks but, really!

Slowly, i ease out of it.I hold it up wondering how I could have let myself go so much. Then i get another shock. The bloody thing isn't small, it's been friggin reduced by my beanpole sister! Yes, I can clearly see the original stitches and then the alien ones. Oh... I'm so glad! I knew I was more Beyonce than Latifah, I don't know how I could have ever doubted myself. Now wait till I get my hands on her.

THE CELESTINE PROPHECIES

My new blog title: you're not listening! Atleast that's how i feel most of the time, these days. I read a book that finally explained why we are here. Apparently, it's not so hard. In a nut shell, we are here to consolidate and pass on the good values of our parents and those before them.Our kids will also pick the best from us and so on and so forth...

I'd really love to share this newly acquired insight but there's a problem. See, the book says we shouldn't think that we've stopped evolving, actually, the evolution has gone spiritual; We are evolving into spiritual beings. Then there's some yack about quantam leaps and finally, we are all going to... disappear! yeah, that's how I felt about it too. But I badly want to disappear so am not throwing out the book yet.

And it says we all have energy firlds around us and many other things like all living things have energy so do not be shy to hug a tree coz you'll share energy thus making u both stronger and bringinging the day of disappearance closer. I had a particular little bush in mind, for the hugging expirience but I reached it too late. found it dead. felt really bad.

PS: if you ever wondered what happened to the Incas and the Mayans, here's a newsflash:they achieved mass disappearance. Oba how can i explain! Okay, you know how the elements vibrate at different levels, kati us, as we achieve more spirituality, we begin to "vibrate" faster till we feel lighter and then we just vibrate too fast for anyone (without significant en energy) to see. It's complicated but I am hell bent on disappearing. Watch this space.

NB: Am back to my spanish lessons incase I encounter some Incas post dissapearance. Promise to write and tell all.

After dark, my sweet

I'm empty. no rage, no happiness. Searching for that 'elusive obvious'. Read that in a book long time ago, Can't remember what it was in reference to but sure fits my situation. Let me think, 'what's to look forward to?' Hmmm...nothing.

I should start writing the great African novel. I promise to make it dark and twisted so that pips can think I was Shakespeare's cuz or something. I think the sicker, the better. Problem is, I have a rebellious spirit, heart too. The rest of me has agreed to be evil for the rest of my life, The aforementioned won't comply. How, do I know? Well.. the horror stories I write end with the heroine falling in luv with the ugly, dark twisted thing that's been pursuing her the entire time. And she nurses his hurt and heart and then they run away together to start a life away from the cruel world.

Embarrassing, isn't it. Anyways, I've made up my mind: today, ama start writing the ultimate horror story. Good may truimph over evil or vice versa but absolutely no one will get mushy. Promise. Lemme get to it. xoxox.I mean... death to the west, skulls and cross bones, fire and brinestone...

EMPLOYMENT... or lack of

It's a wonder am still allowed in here. Been so long. So... If I do the maths right, I've been out of school for two months. It feels like bloody forever. I'm already feeling like a ne'er- do- well; no job, no money, living on hand outs and all that mess. I'm free lancing for a news paper but that don't mean anything significant.

Let's share the most heartbreaking experience this season. Made even worse by the fact that there's no brother involved so I'm not inclined to go over it with a fine toothed comb. Here goes;

An advert for the ideal job with the American Embassy presented itself. I couldn't believe it but I actually friggin qualified on all fronts!! I did the necessary leg work, got all the details I needed and dived in head first. Kati, keep in mind that they needed a well spoken person who was familiar with the predominant cultures in Uganda. There was this major emphasis on good English and grammar. I swear, I could already see myself happily married to the Ambassador's youngest son, or whatever.

Then, two days after handing in, I happened to glance at the soft copy of my CV. The horror, the shock was unimaginable. You know that part where u put, " NATIONALITY:", I'd written, "UGANDA". And if u don't get the horror in that then you're just as bad as me.

HOW I AM AT PRESENT

I'm finishing school in two months. Yippee! After that, I've made up my mind; Am eloping. Don't ask me with who. Am not even sure it ain't with what. Am tired of being here, possibly tired of being in this skin, this body. Am reading a book that's actually making me anxious to know what I'll be in my next life. The book assures me that I'll still be human because my ancestors did their homework, or something. I'm out of ideas on how to get over this infinite boredome. I need some blogger senga shizzie up in here.

On a more pleasant note, or not, I applied to PWC. That's price waterhouse coopers. They specialize in accounting. I can't do Maths to save my life but they assured me that as long as i want to be there, i can be there. So now, they have my form. Did I tell you about the form in question? Well, it was designed by an expert in discouragement. There's no circling or writing one sentence. Them, they like essays. So naturally, I lied for all I was worth in some cases. But am not looking at it as lieing. I was 'thinking outside the box'. Then they wanted all my marks from P2 onwards so that they can see if they are getting themselves a hidden genius. Am praying for them.

Excuse me while I go look for something to burn up. I'm idle .

More self help books and music that speaks to the soul

Hey, I know I should be reading deeper books but I chanced upon 'He's not that into you'. I couldn't help myself. I knew I knew it's contents but good lord, did it drive the points home for me. Ofcourse I steered away from some points, for example, ' He's not that into you if he isn't having sex with you.' Gosh!! Am glad he's not doing that. How can i fault him?

That little book had me pegged in one. All those excuses I make to prolong the torture were in there. I was kinda embarassed. but no more.

Anyway, the rest of my life is uneventful except, there's a certain Dj who likes me. It's crazy. He let me know he's intentions. I've never seen a brother who don't mince words like this one. Totally freaked me out. Then he just disappeared after I had fought my way through the dictionary in an effort to tell him to slow down.

Now, I thought it was all over till I tuned in last night. I couldn't sleep. So, I tune in and all the songs seem to be reminders of all the things he said. At first I thought I was just conjuring up images then this song came on. It's a swahili song about a girl called Rosa who is being difficult, refusing to hook up. This might not mean much to you but to me... See, he's part Kenyan and was convinced i was too for a while.

It was he was speaking to my soul. I swear, if I had had credit on my phone there and then, I might have done something typically me(called and said something like, "why didn't you say something earlier? Dop you know how long I've waited?")But reality kicked in with the absence of credit so no harm done.

So, i got unrelaxed, as apprehensive as hell and proceeded to have insomnia.But it made me laugh when the sun came up so he's okay in my book.

NEW SELF HELP BOOK

That's what I need. On how to play dumb without wavering.



By the way, my darling of the compalining fame, even if i could shed u off, I wouldn't. Luv u too much .



About those old relationships, I'm so over with them. I hate to throw out people but sometimes, we need space to heal.



Someone explain to me how... I don't even know how to put it. I've been abridging and standardising my resolutions. I've resolved to think and be serene. You may think it's wiered for me to resolve to think but I hardly do it. I usually go with what feels right. It's been working in the past but with alot of drama thrown in. I don't like to think because it upsets me, gives me a headache sometimes. This year, ama think like i've never thought before. Not too long, just long enough.



Think about what? Many things; the repurcussions of going out on a date with someone you are sure is not making it past first base. Like the repurcussions of leaving things too late so that I can rely on the adrenaline rush to get them done on time. Like the things i let out my mouth, many things



Concerning serenity, no arguments. Ama let all anger and rage wash right over me. Confrontations are so exhausting, they leave me feeling drained. No more. If we don't agree, we agree to disagree. No drama.

Got punk'd today. am still reeling. Am also going to need a book on how not to be sooo gullible. I swear a 2 eyed man can tell me he actually has 6 eyes and I'll believe! I need to become just abit more cynical. Guilty till proven innocent. And, to whom it may concern: am determined to hook up with a vampire!! Atte brothers with false teeth need not apply. Sorry, am not making sense.

2008

Happy New Year to you all. Any new years resolutions? I have a couple, ranging from the outrightly stupid to a few sensible ones.

One of my resolutions is to shed off those old relationships that weren't going any where. Make a fresh start. Towards that end, am conviniently loosing phone numbers and email adresses. Oops

I want to resolve to live my life on my own terms but I don't know what that involves. The people that I know, who do that, don't do it very well. Even as they vow not to take shit from anybody, they are not above giving it. I need to find a balance but I don't know how to.

I can't think of the others but some one I know wants to involve in excessive kissing this year. Crazy, yes, but am putting it up for consideration- kidding.