DEMURE

Hey just visited Keitetsi's Blog (Hope I got the spelling right), there's a set of Maya Angelou poems there. There's one on 'woman'. it touched me in places i've known I have for some time. I wonder why I don't get that am special and not for meddling with. I might be getting it but too slow for my liking. I can tell am making progress by the fact that i don't make as many excuses for the brothers as much as I used to.

Secret: I used to carry boys' bags instead of the buggers carrying mine. Is your mouth open in shock, don't worry, when I think about it, I open my mouth voluntarily.

Oh, and i don't whine(out loud) anymore. From now on, i shall know no fear, chins up ladies. Let me share with you my new resolutions (clears throat).No wonder am striving to be demure; its my calling! My destiny, who I am.
1. No more talking too much. I am demure.
2. No more talking too loud. I am demure.
3. No inniciating conversation in a room of quiet people. I am demure.
4.No thinking I can save the world. I'll be too busy filing my nails and being. . . . .(all of us). . . . demure.
5. No more wearing jeans. Elegance; high heels, swishing skirts. . .u know how we do. Demure
6. No more demanding to climb the trees with the boys. My role in life will be to sit back and be catered to. You guessed it: demure.

Hmm, what else do demure people do for a living? A second, let me look it up. Hey. The definition's pretty interesting, to me anyway:(of a girl or woman) behaving in a way that does not attract attention to her or her body.

Hmm...how does a bootylicious person like 'yours truly' work on the second part. I mean, I make even sack cloth look good? The first part's easy. I'll just stop talking and the attention goes. But the second...

This needs more thinking about than I thought it would. Let me think some more and I'll get back to u. Demure

Lovely day

Hi there. I think I might have finally hit the mark. Am always hoping that people will stop describing me as , " that loud girl," I'm aiming for, "That girl who's sooo demure". Wanna know why I think I might finally be demure, i got two new posts from people that are not Els. I was screaming on the inside and yet outside, i just said," Hmm, 4 posts?"

SOLITUDE

I don't think that's the right word. Solitude has a ring of contentment about it and that's far from what am feeling right now. What is it about a person being alone in a room full of people. when i think about it, i feel like its such a waste of good time and what could have been good memories. enough of that shit. i want to hate a little. i've had it up to here (just above my head) with brothers who fake scenarios for their own benefit. u probably don't get it so let me give u two scenarios:

He spends alot of time sneaking glances at you, then he finally works up the nerve to say,"hi".

You reply,'hi'

He looks at u consideringly.As if he's weighing likely losses. Mind made up, he asks,"Would u do something for me?"

'sure', u reply, trying to be of help.

He maintains eye contact as he asks, "Even if it seemed impossible?"

Concerned, u cover you tracks by saying,'no, if i can, i will,' then idiot increases on the eye contact, the gaze intensity, leans back,crosses his arms, gives u a once over and sighs,"i donno where to start"

Alert to the change in tone and mood, afraid to get the wrong idea, u briskly say,
'try at the begining,'

Bugger then looks at u from under his lashes and proceeds to say, "okay...could u get me your friend's number?".

It's not the first time it's happened. Another time, 2 years ago, I was at a party, feeling like the life of it, I mean, everyone was feeling my shit and all, then i got a phone call. It went something like this:

me:hi
him:hi, is this Elle B?
me: sure, who's this?
him: you wouldn't remember. How are you?
me: am great, u?
him: good, it's been long
me: i wouldn't know, u haven't told me who this is
him: i'll tell u, u sound like a kid on phone
me: Do not, who's this?
him: Okay, it's xxxx(cute boy)
me: Oh, hi!(with a greatly changed approach- bigger smile)How are u ?
him: good
me: it's nice to hear from u. how'd you get my number(Incredulous that he'd look me up a yr later)?
him: I hunted all over for it
me: did u (warm glow)?
him: Yeah, Need help.
me: sure
him: could u get me xxxx's number?
me: sure(plastic smile blocking lots of swear words).

I'll proceed to tell u why i have beef with this. If u gon discuss business, get to it, don't use bloody underhand tactics to get the deal. It leaves a wiered impression and in my case, leaves me feeling used, wronged and not as cool as i felt before.

SOUL SEARCHING

Just how crazy does the idea of giving without expecting a thing sound?Sheer madness if you ask me but I've got an idea. Hear me out for a second.

In religion, that's the way to go: give, especially when you know you ain't getting nothing in return. Yeah right! How we supposed to get ahead when we just keep giving? Then there's that saying,"Give till it hurts".Man, if you follow shit like that, at the end of the day you can be in some real pain. There's even a recommendation that you give away the things that you value the most. In this way, you maintain spiritual freedom. Your soul don't get tied down to material things, you don't end up 'worshipping' your Manolo Blahniks or your Prada or whatever designer item you posess. How wiered is that? That's side A. Let's check out side B.

Raise your hand if you believe in karma. I see a number of hands (in my head). Yep, that old saying about what goes around coming round. Everyone knows about it, even Alycia Keys and Justine Timberlake( and they are reliable sources).

The idea is that when you give, the gods put a star on your name. They arrange for you to jump the blessing queue and even have someone doctor the blessing ration you was s'pposed to get. My theory is that that only works when you don't demand anything in return.

Another idea goes back to the bible. It has to do with storing riches in heaven. Imagine the idea of giving your car to charity and finding it in heaven. That's the shit. . . but I don't buy it. Lets go onto a smaller scale. You give someone a little of your precious time and in heaven, the angel will spare some time to look for your name on the back covers of the book of life. Does that make sense? Or you give someone food and for every time you feed them, God adds another floor to your mansion in the skies. It's an idea, think about it.

oh, and the reverse is true; those times, you withhold, a skull and cross bones are drawn on your page. The wise man should thus ration if he don't want to go all the way up or down. Ensure that atleast you have a nice two bedroomed apartment with air conditioning and a regular supply of healthy foods. Oh, and please note that your dwellings will be in purgatory because God's gon' spit you out if you are luke warm . Am not sure if the devil has standards. I mean would he throw you out for being too good for his liking?

I have absolutely no idea where am going when I die and yet I firmly believe that I'll either cease to exist or be chilling with my main man(God, ofcourse). Donno how am sure, I just am

What's wrong with the world, maama?

I need to apologize for my failure to notice and make use of the edit function: Sometimes, i get so full of myself and forget that I can make mistakes too. Sorry, Perdon. Le siento, Saidia mimi, nsonyuwa and everything that falls in between.

I have a personal problem that I need to get down in writing. Maybe you'll help me make sense of it. To begin with, I don't understand why men and women feel the need to play games with each other. Yeah, yeah, I know it's the game player who gets the guy or the girl but maybe that just means they deserve each other. Why can't straight forward, with a dash of common sense, work equally well?

Let's have an example. It's often said that girls prefer 'bad boys' to nice ones. Wanna know why? It's simply because bad boys hacve the basic common sense to know that a girl given too much attention is one that grows a big head. So they hold off on the compliments, go easy on the put downs and just keep coming back. This is enough to show the affected young lady that inspite of her flaws, the brother's still digging her.

I'm talking about calling her 8 times a day. Aint y'all ever heard of the saying, 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'? Do you think the dood or doodess who wrote that was stupid? There's such a thing as anticipation. It shouldn't be underestimated. And yet, if you want to talk to someone, you should just go ahead and call 'em. Since this seems to be a contradiction, let's just say that if you've done it more than thrice in a day, you need to bite something, tie your hands together and wait for the next day,or week if you're still laying strategies.

Another thing that gets me is 'writing between the lines', as opposed to reading between them. I mean going round in circles and never saying anything conclusive. Let's have a scenario: two young people are flirting healthily and then when everyone's gone, brother pins sister to a wall and as she tries to make sense of it, he asks, "Can't you read between the lines?". Between what bloody lines, man! There's being subtle then there's being plain presumptuos! I mean, where do some brothers get off thinking that just coz she sat with you and smiled at you, she wants you?

Aren't they in the least bit scared that they may have read the signs wrong, that they may make laughing storks of themselves? Am just trying to say, Before you attempt to jump someone's bones, be sure that you are sure, that you are sure, that she wants you to 'jump them', for lack of a better word

This aint a hate campaign , it's just that am sick of brothers who can't be bothered to get to know people for themselves and not for what they can give them.

Am by nature a person that runs from extreme emotion from the opposite sex. As such, my skills of detection of potential 'likers' are finely horned. When I say that I can tell when someone's about to really like me, am not kidding, I just can. Standard procedure is to lay low till it goes away (the extreme like, i mean). I used to run at the first hint of like till a close friend told me not to be 'paranoid', so now i stick around and play stupid till they break it down for me in black and white.

Brother's have a tendency of dropping hints which can't be traced back to them. Am guessing it's a defence mechanism, prevents them from getting hurt if the feelings aren't reciprocated. So we girls have had to come up with good, less non-traceable come-backs, so we can keep up the banter. In a way, we play stupid untill they are forced to out themselves and risk being let down. At th end of it all, if it was mutual, you gon' see it in the look, the gestures, the words, the intonation, it's everywhere, you can't miss it. And when that's happened, there's confidence to say it loud and say it proud. The magic words range from, "am feeling your shit(lol)" to"am diggin on you" to "i really like you" to "am crazy about you" till the words get shorter, more meaningful and more precious. Wonder if y'all know what am refering to( The most magic of them all). That's the natural way of it.

So when a brother skips all these steps in a misguided, sorry attempt to get himself some or whatever, I feel nothing but fury and rage. Fury that he thinks am not worth the fuss and rage that he would dare.

Sometimes I wish we were all asexual because of the shit I see, expirience, hear about. It's just not right. I would like that we all first like each other as people and then we go on from there to wherever. I don't know................Am I the only one that feels like this?

Hi, i feel shitty. Help

Lovely day but . . . .

Hello. am smiling but with a heavy heart. Why? Because I think am a bad friend. I don't have much time for my friends these days and not coz am busy, just plain selfish . Am going through a phase .I've made a late new years resolution: to start living for me. However, as old habits die hard, it's still killing me.

I decided that i wouldn't be taking no shit from nobody ever again; saying yes when I mean no, feeling embarassed on other people's behalf. No more of that! I do want to save the world but not while sacrificing myself.

By the way, my faith in the brothers peeked at me from it's hiding place today. Wanna know what happened? I spilt his drink and I told him I'd replace it. he didn't seem to hear but when i brought it, he said I shouldn't have. He said I was a lady and that it was an accident. Owww.Then he bought me a drink and left. Double owww. I'm freezing that picture of him in my head and I hope we never meet again coz the picture might get spoilt.

Am also glad that am having belly laughs with a guy I stopped talking to and didn't talk to for a year. As I said, the world's a beautiful place but. . .

I hate growing up except for the fact that I get to stay out later and later. One day, i won't have to go home at all! Muhahaha. And I thank God for my friend LongBottom, she's a real rock in a stormy sea, a diamond in the rough, and other equally profound things. She makes everything worthwhile. I recommend that everyone get themselves a LongBottom.

Life

Logged on to bitch about life, how it sucks and how I hate growing up but on my slow mainful journey to my blog, i found so much cause to smile so the moral of this story is: Life's full of shit but every cloud has a silver lining and if we make it a point to find that lining every time we hatin', It won't be so bad

Do unto others

Do you know of people who can't be bothered to include you in a conversation? They really get my goat. Forget poking your nose into things that don't concern you. Imagine a scenario where four people are engaged in a conversation and one gets left out. Much as they try to ask for an update, those horrible people only seeks to encourage the speaker, hence effectively leaving you, the lost person farther behind. What makes me madder is that when they get lost in their turn, they want to be brought up to speed.

Usually, i let them flounder abit then tell them what they want to know. am always hoping that they'll take a hint and see that if they didn't like it, then no one else will.

Am a firm believer in this 'do unto others ' business. It's so bloody simple! I don't get why people can't subcribe to it. It's for this reason that I smile into the phone when someone calls, regardless of who it is, I smile whenever I meet someone I know, I greet myclass mates before they greet me, I do things with no hope of repayment and all the other things that people don't think it pays to do.

Oh and if you like this idea, also listen to the ones that talk too much. It's not every day that they get a listener who doesn't end it by saying they talk too much. Bye

Must we benefit from everything we do? Doesn't it matter that we are making other people happy? Am not saying am an angel.I'd love to be one but am only human. There are times when I don't give a shit if the whole world is miserable but even then, I retreat into myself and wait it out. Then I put on my happy face and step out to embrace the sun!!!

Of false alarms and helping hands

Turned out to be a friend of mine pulling my leg. Where's the damn annoyed smiley? Hold up. Can't find it but i found the italic icon( smiles). Love italics. Wanted to talk about this whole idea of twinning.

You know, when 2 countries, one rich, another poor get together for mutual benefit? Okay, mostly for ours but they too benefit in terms of new ideas, sight seeing (in the case of exchange programmes), aclimatising, new environments, cultures and people.

I was just wondering; if a far off country like Sweden could put us on their budget through projects like CIDA and Redcross, how come we can't do it for each other? am talking about better off countries in Africa helping the not so well off ones to develope. it doesn't even matter in what sector: it could be the music industry, the education sector, whatever and wherever.

The point is to provide the opportunity for us to learn from each other, not be so stingy with our own little developments. And since we are talking along those lines, lets make it more local , say, a town in Central Uganda twinning with one up North. I don't know if am making much sense but I feel like it would really make the world a little better.

Secret Admirer

YEY!!!!!!!!!i made it back. i thought I'd never see the day that i posted twice on the same blog. lol. Today's a first, I've actually posted thrice in one day( probably to make up for the long stretches during which i shan't post). So... am abit embarrased at the earlier display of my incompetence( i posted the same thing twice) but bare with me, am learning on the job.

An hour ago, i was called up by a secret admirer. Am meeting him at a cafe I frequent abit later. I don'teven know why am considering it. Nah, that's not true. i know exactly why: I lack drama in my life, ama go generate some. Though its highly unlikely that it's for real(I betcha its some one i know, who I'd never get with in that way). That's just my lack: the one's I like don't like me and the one's that like me, I don't feel enough for. So, Tonight we see if my lucks finally changed.

ATALAST!!!!! MUHAHAHAHA

Hi there, u know how they say third time's the charm? They lied. I 've been trying to get into the bloody( forgive my French) blogosphere for about three hours. 4 tries later, am not even sure am in.

My name's Elle B. I study at the University and I want to grow up to make the world a better place. yes, I still wear my rose tinted glasses, aint about to take them off. Am also not ashamed to say that I have permanent stars in my eyes. I can't help it, my mother was really optimistic when she had me. It stuck. Hang on a sec, let me sign out and see if I can get back in. Ciao