URGES

19.09.07
Let's talk about urges. Right now,am lying next to him and he is fast asleep. In his sleep, his neck is bared and I keep looking at it. I have the strangest... and strongest urge to bite it. Not real biting, just a playful bite.Enough to scare the little boy in him. The one who believes in vampires and things that go bump in the night. Yes, am that idle and that disorderly.

But I won't because he won't take it lightly. He knows am not one to do things for the hell of them. And yet right now, that's all it is. He'll call me kinky and proceed to bully me till am all blushed out.So I won't do it.Pity. I really want to.

Speaking of which, I'm having an issue with my limbs. They do not know a thing about cooperation. In my head, I have a mantra,"When people you like touch you, it's only right to touch 'em back." Show some affection for God's sake. My head gets it, my limbs do not. Case in point:

He's caressing my arm, lacing his fingers through mine, tracing patterns on my palm, and am not hating it. I want to reciprocate the gesture but I can't, for the life of me, get my fingers to close around his! The idiotic little things play dead as if am not pleading with them in my head to curl around his fingers. I tell them,

"Darlings, holding his hand doesn't mean we shall have to marry him, I promise."

Nothing.

" Please luvs, work with me here, he's going to think we don't care."

NOTHING.

"Okay, just wiggle to show me you are mine and are alive and well."

YOU GUESSED IT.

Am left looking at my digits, incredulous at this betrayal from a totally unsuspected sector."How can you do this to me?" I silently ask. No answer.

Amazingly, he doesn't throw my hand away in disgust.

Another case in point, we are sitting together and his barefoot finds mine. Am pretending that I still remember what I was talking about yet evaporation has already occured. Now, it's only polite that I make a token gesture of leg movement back, right? Waaa!!!!

You'd think my feet have never seen me before, the way they ignore my instructions. It's terrible. If you've watched kill Bill, you know what am talking about. There's this part where Uma Thurman's come out of a long coma and she's kinda paralysed waist down. She hauls her self into the back seat of a truck, stretches her legs on the seat and sets to work. She starts by willing her big toe to move. She trys untill she gets it to move. She works her way upwards from there.

Now, in my case. My legs give 'dead weight' a whole new meaning! Bloody things don't move, even if I start to mumble the commands coz telepathy has jam. Am even disgusted just thinking about it!

However, there's hope in the fact that I obey instructions; he says hold my hand, I can do that, he says slip your shoe off, cool. But I'm miserable that he and possibly others to come are going to think am an Ice queen. I swear I even seem unaffected to myself. SOS.