THE SEQUEL

After writing that last post, I can almost understand how date-rape happens. It's all based on assumption. It's not true that men are similar to women. In actual sense, they come from Mars and we come from Venus. Before the date, the chick's probably thinking

*Today, am going to spend some time getting to know this brother
*I won't take everything too personal
*Maybe i'll let him hug me
*I might let him kiss me good night, depending on how it goes
*Wonder what our babies would look like: they better not have my ears, they can have his nose

Then the guy, on the other hand, might be thinking
*Have to look good, she's finally said yes,yes!!
*Wonder how long till I get to lay her. Knowing these chicks, It's gon be months!
*We'll see if she's worth the wait
*I need to play my cards right, look out for the signals

So,when they go out, she's as sweet as hell and he's gentlemanly to a fault. when he holds her hand, she lets him take it. When he puts his arm round her shoulder, she reminds herself not to take it personal and loosens up. In the car when he touches her knee, She says to herself, 'don't worry, he's just reminding you that we are here, in this moment.' Then she thinks she won't let him kiss her good night cause she's already let him do quite abit, he might think she's loose. So when he walks her up to her door and she puts out a hand to shake, doesn't get it.And the chick also thinks tis her fault, that she led him on.


A lesser man will think WTF? She's been leading me on? I don't think so. . . and then the chick gets raped becuse 'she wanted it' or she 'had it coming'

Maybe the best thing to do is to keep it extremely platonic on date one. No matter how much rapport you have. No unscheduled touching. Better yet, say it loud and say it proud, "I don't get down on the first night, or the second or the third or..." Date two, you can afford to loosen up a lil bit.

On a serious note 'ASSUME MAKES AN ASS OUT OF U AND ME' and that's for real. So... don't assume someone knows what's going on, ensure that they do.You dig?

TAKE A STAND.

My minds wondering, am about to forget all the wonderfully profound, intellectual things I want to tell you. I . . .can't. . . remember.Oh, here comes one;

I was going to tell you that in christiandom, there's a saying to the effect that there comes a time when a christian has to stop running(from temptation, persecution...) and stand(to fight, I presume). I have a story to share.

Two gentlemen from Kenya came to our office this week. They were staying for the entire week and had never been to Uganda.I work in the PR department so I got to spend about two days with them. They were interesting gentlemen. I got along better with one than the other, you could say we hit it off. We seemed to compliment each other perfectly;we finished each others sentences. We had the same ideas, broke into the same tune when we was bored, I swear, it was uncanny! I might have thought this was it if he hadn't been 45years old, married and with kids my age. Plus he was wearing dreadlocks. Long ones.

Maybe am a hypocrite;I have dreadlocks too. I, for one, should know that people are not their hair but there was something about this particular rasta man which told me he'd be a marvelous friend:knowledgable, adventurous and comic but to let it go further would be murder. Once again, Els doesn't believe me when I tell her I can see them coming from a million miles away but once again I did .

He didn't do anything out of the ordinary, He was chilvarous all the way, flirted a little, nothing scary and joked(those ribald jokes which make chicks blush and men roar with laughter). I decided to give him the benefit of doubt but his colleague kept making things seem personal.

The dilemma was that Rasta Man (RM) hadn't done anything wrong yet but I saw it coming and I wanted to avert it but didn't know how. Plus his colleague was there trying to set scenes that didn't come. i got a triffle upset. RM and his friend suggested I take them around Kampala and I said I didn't mind. At some point, we exchanged numbers and when he called me later in the day. He asked me not to tell my boss about our arrangement. That made me feel like I was part of something I didn't even know about. I got worried.

I thought about just standing them up. But that would have been rude so I thought to myself, how about I call them and talk about the worst family crisis ever and how i can't come. That might work. Then that saying hit me. 'Take a bloody stand, man!'

So, I bought credit and called. It was pathetic. Something like:

Rasta Man(RM) AND ME (EB)

EB: He...hello?
RM; Hey baby.(men who call aquantancies baby are not to be trusted,ok?)
EB: Hi... I wanted us to ..uhm...get some things straight
RM: What?(bad connection)
EB: Wanted to...make a few things clear(I was eating words but I have edited so things can be legible).
RM: uhm... sure
EB: This evening, when we go out. We're doing it as colleagues and friends, right?
RM: What? We are going to Colleagues and Friends?
EB: I said, we are going out as colleagues. Period, ok?
RM(stutters abit): EB...really! Just come over.

Something like that. I didn't get an answer but atleast now he knew where I stood. And though I was as embarrased as sin, I felt lots better. That evening, he admitted that he had had plans for us but he wouldn't disrespect my position on the matter. As of now, i think we are tentative friends though he at times lapses.

The moral of this story was said earlier. Sometimes, running ain't the solution. Take a stand

DESIDERATA

Hi people. Missed you. sometimes I get lonesome and i scroll through my phone book looking for some one to call so i can feel alive again.Believe it or not, i often come up with zilch.At times like that, wonder what the hell am doing with all these numbers which i can't call when i need to talk.At times like that, i want to delete them all.I almost did once, then common sense prevailed.

I guess there are times when the only one that can help you is you. Anyway, I run into a poem called Desiderata. Some brother had included it in his vibe speech. I took the poem and ran. Here goes;


Max Ehrmann
Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.


Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.


Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

PS:I almost asked u to hope that i have time to type it out for you. Then I remembered the miracle of cut and paste! I believe!

anyway,t's a nice poem and i think i'll try to effect what it says. wanted to talk about sum'n else but let me post afresh

LOVE OF MY LIFE

For starters, Jasmine, If you don't issue me an invite to that newly blocked blog of yours, ama hunt you down, shoot you, shoot the person who gave you the idea of not inviting me, shoot his best friend, shoot his best friend's girlfriend, her dog and the dog's favourite toy or rather bone and you know I ain't joking.

On a more pleasant note, how's everybody? Yesterday I did a bad thing. I shan't say but let me ask; Have you ever been in a situation where you don't like someone that much and yet they worship the ground on which you walk?

Is it true that sometimes we tell them off when they ask of us and yet when their interest seems to be waning, we do something to bring it back, give 'em false hope? It may be conscious or subconscious but I know I do it. It may be a smile or a prolonged touch, whatever.I felt like a shit afterwards, promise never to do it again.

Oh, and The Crush of My Life's coming back.Yey! The official take is we couldn't care less but am already wondering out loud among reliable sources," Mpozi when did Thingie say he's coming?" I need reassurance that he'll be here. This ought to be fun. Life's been too dull of late. Sad thing is he's only here two weeks! Now if I could just get him to come back with us to the island...

I never learn do I? But it's so much fun smiling at nothing and staring at the phone(atleast for the first one hour).Oops, just remembered I cut his number out of my journal and I lost my old line.HEELP!!!

But wait, this may be a once in a life time chance. Am not going to look him up. He will prove himself by looking me up. I shall not be weak. Infact, no more asking anyone anything! Brace your selves for a roller coaster ride people!

POETRY FOR INTELLECTUALS

Hi , the font on this pc is so big, It almost beats Italics but not quite. Iwaya, u happy now? Anyway, Am done with papers, idle and disorderly though not for long. Internship from hell's coming up and I can't say am looking forward to it. This business of knocking from door to door looking for voluntary employment ain't sexy.How much more shall we suffer when we want actual jobs?

Anyway,I wrote a poem today, off my head but I didn't finish, any one who has any ideas can share but s(he)s to go with the flow: no murdering my poem.
I know I ain't got nothing on Maya Angelou but I've elected her as role model so it would be ludicrous for me to try and usurp her. Here goes;


How about I be a lyricist
since I've failed to be a physicist
on rhyming every word I'll insist
in case of failure, I'll persist
Be like Drew in 'Music and Lyrics'
since I've failed at Quantum Physics*1

How about I be an artist
seeing as Maths feels like mortis
capture the sky, trees on paper
capture people with a new flavour
make it good, just like Picasso
seeing as these numbers are such a hussle

How about I be a dancer
considering everything else causes cancer*2
shake my body, make the boys say, "my!"
find out too if my hips don't lie
I think I shall dance like Shakira
considering how I do all else like Attila


How about I be a poet
since for scientific genius am so late
A thousand feelings in just a few lines
to be debated on as pips*3 sip their wines
mend or break hearts, just like Maya
since for those idiot theories, I only feel ire

How about I be a best friend
have two ears that I could lend. . .

That's where inspiration died. Indiana helped with the second one so I need 4 lines with as much rhyme as possible(at the ends). Oh, and I need copyright to doctor those lines as I see fit. Come on, help me out, flex those poetic muscles. Love you all

PS: Who's seen Jasmine. Rather lost. Let me go look for her.


*1 Chemistry didn't quite rhyme
*2 I swear nothing else was rhyming, be gentle.
*3 people

EMOTIONS ARE RESTRICTED TO FEMALES. BOYS BE PRETENDING

Hi, am sorry about the Italics Iwaya, it's just that I find it soo..oo pretty. Don't ask, I can't explain but do explain to me why boys don't have much emotion? I mean, in the last post, all the brothers were hatin' on that soulful music that I love to hate. What's the basis. Not your faults, am just wondering.

Yesterday, I watched my brother watch a movie called "Blood and Chocolates". The part that made me watch it was the "chocolates" part. It suggested something sensual, read romantic. No prizes for the part that am thinking took my brother in. Anyway, it's a beautiful story about a romance between a werewolf and a human. It's the very first movie I 've seen that based entirely on werewolves(no vampires this time) and it cast them in a fantastic light. By the time I was done watching it. I wanted to grow up to be a werewolf(ess)

What was I saying? Yeah. So am watching my brother watch this movie and I realize something, he's unconsciously forwarding the parts that I had kept slowing down or rewinding while I watched! Now that was crazy. Those parts when the hero says something so fitting or corners the heroine and she wants to ran but can't run because his hypnotic gaze has rooted her to the spot... Forget that. You know what am talking about. Instead he was forwarding to the parts where the wolves chased down bad guys or leaped in human form from amazing heights. Okay, those parts were cool too but really!

My point here is that people say that brothers are emotional but hide their feelings well. So how do u explain this. . . subconscious hiding from emotion, forwarding business? I don't get it.

Music of the heart

There's two kinds of good music in my world. There's that one which makes my bones vibrate(coz it's really loud) and then there's that which makes my heart pain coz its really soft. The bone shaker's pretty good for those times when I want to send the entire world to hell and just feel free to be me .

That's why I 've taken to rock like a fish to water. Nothing beats, shouting with Avril(in a coarse, raw voice), "I WANT TO DIE...." and then the guitarist helps you out a little and you're bobbing your head, stomping your feet, trying to keep the furniture out of your way... you know? I look back on rock nights with Els and Hetta and am content. Life aint so shitty after all.

Then there's those guys who refuse to leave you to lick your wounds in silence, They insist on putting words to it. Am talking Whitney, Luther, Heather Headly, Zhane.

I used to cry myself to sleep at night
but that was all, before he came
I thought love had to hurt to turn out right
but now he's here, and its not the same...it's not the same.

That's Whitney, 'All the man I need'. It makes me so friggin hopeful, I wish you knew. Am destined for great things. You need to read the entire song to get my drift. Brothers, I warn you: it might get a little mushy

I wish I wasn't in luv with you
so u couldn't hurt me
it's just not fair the way you treat me,
no, u don't deserve me
wasted my time, thinking about you
when you u ain't never gon' change
I wish I wasn't in love with you
so I wouldn't feel this way

That's Heather Headley, I feel like that sometimes. Misused. But am yet to encounter a brother who can keep me feeling that way. It's not that am not emotional, just that am very aware of myself and what I have to offer. I know that I can't and won't take shit from nobody except Els and Sandy and Bren who are my friends and would take my shit if I dished it out.That sounded gross. But you get the picture. So, when in love or any of it's close relatives, ie lust, crush etc, Wallow abit and then move on! . So i touch my heart, croon along, then get up and walk like nothing happened. It works for me.

Its crazy how I can always find a song to match my mood. With the exact needed lyrics, like I had it custom made. Dilemma came when I was in an unclassifiable relationship sort of thing with a brother who I was sure knew what was going on and refused to say. I couldn't bloody sing out my frustrations. I just sat there cursing out loud. It was pathetic.

ITS JUST A LITTLE CRUSH

Hey it's four in the morning, am attempting to brag about my newly found night life which is as unpredictable as the end of the world. Generally, it's non existant but once in a while... Something comes up. Enough already, lets talk about mutual crushes.

It's not everyday that these happen. Atleast not in my world. But when they do happen. Wow. I used to have daily crushes, as in." ooh, he's so cute." Then I'd swoon over the unsuspecting individual for twenty four hours and be ready to move on the next day. I thought crushes were overated: can't sleep? Can't eat? Yeah right! Pretty naive, I know.

Then came a time when a brother who was not even on my list of crushees showed up. I tripped him(totally by accident) and he(the trippee) asked me, the tripper, if I was okay. Don't know what it was about that concern. I saw crushes in a new light. You guessed it, no food or sleep for about 3 months. I finally got it: that loss of breath when you see them, The tingling feeling, the rush, the reading something into every little thing he did, everything.

Brother didn't even know that I existed but for three whole months, everything he did was because he was fighting his feelings for me(Atleast in my head it was). That was a crazy time but I finally snapped out of it. It stopped being fun and became painful cause he'd never know. I wasn't bloody likely to tell him, now was I?

After that, back to daily crushes or just hourly ones , then came another. Now this one, this one was precious. Still is though I be cursing that particular brother every moment I get. Officially, am supposed to not care but hey, am human, am entitled to slip up some times. You have any idea how wiered it is to go out with coupled up people when you are single? It's pretty lonesome I tell you. So here I am stuck with a couple of couples for three whole days on an island.

There's this other singleton, just one. A brother, thank God. So, I say to myself, " I better make friends so that when other people need QT(QualityTime), we can hang out and feel independently single". I swear I didn't see it coming... But that's not entirely true. I figured that the worst I could do was have me a weekend of outrageous flirting. I didn't see any harm in that.

Problem came when I realised that Mr. One Weekend Stand was anti social. Now's the time to admit my problem. Am a sucker for unreachable people. I'll either stay far away from you or try to wriggle under your skin. Brother was a looker and the few snippets of vocabulary i heard come out of him, screamed intelligence. There's something about a clear accent that turns my pages. That must be it, I can't think of any other reason why I decided he was for getting to.

That was the plan: reach out to him, Have us both a nice weekend and never see him again. Let me just say that he who digs a pit for the righteous man falls into it himself. I can tell you the exact moment it happened. He was blazed or tipsy on black ice and was just sitting there gazing at the bon fire. Whoever said never kick a man when he's down don't know what he's talking about. I advanced. Let me set the scenario for you:Oh, for reference, he's MOWS ie; Mr One Weekend Stand and am EB.

EB: Hey, U ok?
MOWS: Wha... Am good.
EB: What you doing? Meditating?(He was dozing actually).
MOWS: No, just gazing at the fire. You know why fire's so ... thought provoking... It's in that category...(Looking at me to see if i'm feeling him).

EB(your's truly doesn't dissapoint) Yeah, like the ocean, the sea, the sky.
MOWS: (impressed)Yeah, you can't quite figure them out
EB(out of intellectual things to say):Yeah
MOWS:I like fire the best. Its just waiting. It's like it's saying come and f**** get me.

Am not sure if the musings of a drunk man are to be taken seriously but I was hooked. Don't ask me why, I can never explain why. Maybe am crazy about well spoken men who occasionally let a swear word out and use it well, I don't know. We became friends that night but for the record, Being friends with the crush victim don't help none. I attached too much to everything we did and he didn't think about it twice. He'd ignore me for weeks on end and I'd be dieng to talk to him, When he left he never said goodbye. Am still cursing him for it and just when I thought I was moving on, he'd beg to take me out to coffee. I can only say it was mighty confusing on my part. But I loved the drama. When I think back, I know that my life hasn't been so boring.

Now, the mutual crush was just plain wiered but good none the less. You know how u meet a good friend of a friend? Well I was on my best behaviour because we were gon' hang the entire day. No use making a bad first impression. All went well until one night, he'd had abit to drink so the normally quiet individual stepped aside for he's alter ego. (Another time, we shall discuss this obsession with brothers under the influence.)God, I love having the attention of attractive people. What's not to like when each statement's punctuated by a caress of the arm or cheek, a pat on the nose or a sigh of my name. I felt wanted. Then girlfriend goes and spoils it all by bringing pics, one day, and saying, " Oh, look, that's XXX's girlfriend".

Don't worry, I wasn't that far gone, I just reduced on the intensity of my smiles, the intimacy of my conversation and the proximity. Then one day we are talking and he tells me he once had this huge crush on me but he stayed away till it went. I said cool. For that moment, I was the winner in these games of admitting things. Then some imp made me feel bad that I'd made him think he hadn't touched me at all. So I told him. Am proud to say that after I did that, I pulled even farther away, I wasn't about to become a third wheel.

Problem was that I sensed that he could and has, in the past, used this admission against me but I fought back and I won. As of now, we look at each other in mutual appreciation and proceed to discuss politics in modern Uganda or some such mundane topic.

I'd be lieing if i said I didn't think of us being together. Of him leaving his gal of a zillion years to be with me, the crush of his life. But I figured that he was probably better off with her. First of all, am incompetent in matters concerning the heart and I honestly wouldn't know what to do with him after I'd gotten him. Some times, I curse the fact that Mr Right is nowhere to be seen but then I think and realise that I have no where to put him when he comes. There's a saying that goes, "When the student is ready, the master will appear". Am thinking when am ready, he'll appear, too.