THE CASE OF THE SHRINKING BLOUSE

I'm at a point where I think the weighing scale's lying to me. It shows the usual size but everyone I meet greets me with, " what are you eating?" or, " some bum!" or, " huh! That ka hip". I wear loose., snug and fitting clothes. They all garner the same response. What to do?Am at wits end. I feel like carrying the scale around with me so that when they are about to say anything, I just hop on and give 'em a smug look.

Anyway, just when I thought things couldn't get worse...

I'm looking through my wardrobe for what to wear when I come across the cutest white blouse. I haven't worn it in a while so i think to myself, "hmmm, why don't I hit the town in this one.Last time I looked, it fit me veeerrry nicely." So here I am ironing, feeling sorry for the world coz they don't know what's coming. Then I put the blouse over my head and.........bugger: am stuck! I literally can't make the blouse go over my head.Bugger, bugger, bugger! For a second, I panic. Oh my God, am fatter than i look! Oh my God(making teary sounds). Life has lost meaning. I don't look like Beyonce, as originally imgined. No, not quite, think more towards Queen Latifah, no, not her, Monic. Now, I like these chicks but, really!

Slowly, i ease out of it.I hold it up wondering how I could have let myself go so much. Then i get another shock. The bloody thing isn't small, it's been friggin reduced by my beanpole sister! Yes, I can clearly see the original stitches and then the alien ones. Oh... I'm so glad! I knew I was more Beyonce than Latifah, I don't know how I could have ever doubted myself. Now wait till I get my hands on her.

THE CELESTINE PROPHECIES

My new blog title: you're not listening! Atleast that's how i feel most of the time, these days. I read a book that finally explained why we are here. Apparently, it's not so hard. In a nut shell, we are here to consolidate and pass on the good values of our parents and those before them.Our kids will also pick the best from us and so on and so forth...

I'd really love to share this newly acquired insight but there's a problem. See, the book says we shouldn't think that we've stopped evolving, actually, the evolution has gone spiritual; We are evolving into spiritual beings. Then there's some yack about quantam leaps and finally, we are all going to... disappear! yeah, that's how I felt about it too. But I badly want to disappear so am not throwing out the book yet.

And it says we all have energy firlds around us and many other things like all living things have energy so do not be shy to hug a tree coz you'll share energy thus making u both stronger and bringinging the day of disappearance closer. I had a particular little bush in mind, for the hugging expirience but I reached it too late. found it dead. felt really bad.

PS: if you ever wondered what happened to the Incas and the Mayans, here's a newsflash:they achieved mass disappearance. Oba how can i explain! Okay, you know how the elements vibrate at different levels, kati us, as we achieve more spirituality, we begin to "vibrate" faster till we feel lighter and then we just vibrate too fast for anyone (without significant en energy) to see. It's complicated but I am hell bent on disappearing. Watch this space.

NB: Am back to my spanish lessons incase I encounter some Incas post dissapearance. Promise to write and tell all.