Music of the heart

There's two kinds of good music in my world. There's that one which makes my bones vibrate(coz it's really loud) and then there's that which makes my heart pain coz its really soft. The bone shaker's pretty good for those times when I want to send the entire world to hell and just feel free to be me .

That's why I 've taken to rock like a fish to water. Nothing beats, shouting with Avril(in a coarse, raw voice), "I WANT TO DIE...." and then the guitarist helps you out a little and you're bobbing your head, stomping your feet, trying to keep the furniture out of your way... you know? I look back on rock nights with Els and Hetta and am content. Life aint so shitty after all.

Then there's those guys who refuse to leave you to lick your wounds in silence, They insist on putting words to it. Am talking Whitney, Luther, Heather Headly, Zhane.

I used to cry myself to sleep at night
but that was all, before he came
I thought love had to hurt to turn out right
but now he's here, and its not the same...it's not the same.

That's Whitney, 'All the man I need'. It makes me so friggin hopeful, I wish you knew. Am destined for great things. You need to read the entire song to get my drift. Brothers, I warn you: it might get a little mushy

I wish I wasn't in luv with you
so u couldn't hurt me
it's just not fair the way you treat me,
no, u don't deserve me
wasted my time, thinking about you
when you u ain't never gon' change
I wish I wasn't in love with you
so I wouldn't feel this way

That's Heather Headley, I feel like that sometimes. Misused. But am yet to encounter a brother who can keep me feeling that way. It's not that am not emotional, just that am very aware of myself and what I have to offer. I know that I can't and won't take shit from nobody except Els and Sandy and Bren who are my friends and would take my shit if I dished it out.That sounded gross. But you get the picture. So, when in love or any of it's close relatives, ie lust, crush etc, Wallow abit and then move on! . So i touch my heart, croon along, then get up and walk like nothing happened. It works for me.

Its crazy how I can always find a song to match my mood. With the exact needed lyrics, like I had it custom made. Dilemma came when I was in an unclassifiable relationship sort of thing with a brother who I was sure knew what was going on and refused to say. I couldn't bloody sing out my frustrations. I just sat there cursing out loud. It was pathetic.